Negotiating with a confirmed WIN-LOSER or LOSE-LOSER

On occasions, however much you adopt a WIN-WIN approach and use all the techniques and tactics we have discussed in this chapter to encourage your opposite number to adopt a WIN-WIN approach, you may come across someone who is determined to take a WIN-LOSE or LOSE-LOSE approach. This can be an extremely irritating, frustrating and unproductive experience. What can you do about it?

You may find that you become irritated with their attitude. This can be a problem because the irritation can begin to affect your ability to react rationally. Defuse your irritation by acknowledging that you feel it. Becoming consciously aware of the fact that you are irritated is the first step towards being able to put it on one side. Mentally parcel up your irritation and put it aside to be let out later in a safe place, then focus your energy on consciously practicing your skills, such as using questions to explore the facts further.

Accept their attitude
If you can't change then attitude, accept that this is the approach they are going to take. The next step is to sort out how you will manage the situation. Remember that all behavior has a positive intention. Even when people seem to be behaving in a totally antisocial and amoral way, there will be a positive basis for their behavior. It may only be that it makes them feel that they have achieved something, or been noticed, but the positive intention is there.

So what might be the positive intention behind the insistence of your fellow negotiator to persist in a WIN-LOSE or LOSE-LOSE approach? If you can gain some insight into this, you may be able to modify your approach to give them what they need, which may then mean that they are able to take a less belligerent attitude.